The Aftermath

HAPPY FEBRUARY EVERYONE. Listen, I know we’re already 12 days in but this is my first post of February.

After reading my last couple of blogs, I realized I never speak about the positives in my life.

I’m not in a bad place in my life, I’m just not in the place I want to be….yet. Which is fine because I know God has me. BUT I wanted to update everyone on how I’m doing after writing “A Little Insight”.

After writing my last blog about happiness I started to view myself differently.

I’ve started to accept myself for who I am (flaws and all), with leaving a lot of room for growth. I’m now in this stage of my life where other’s opinions of me don’t matter as much, I’m trying to get to the point where they don’t matter at all. At this point, it’s either you’re with me or you aren’t…if you aren’t it is okay, because, in the end, God is with me no matter what.

I’m also still growing my relationship with God, so this past couple of weeks have been very interesting for me. The journey I’m on with God has been a very challenging one because of the fact I’m actually taking steps into my faith instead of just saying it. I’ve learned to speak life in every situation, even if it’s negative. I’ve also learned to be patient with my process while preparing myself for something better. As I’ve ALWAYS said, my present is not my future, everything in my life right now is temporary. With the help of God, my Bible plans, my Pastor, family, and friends this concept has become easier to grasp.

I’m still grasping the fact that I am very young and that I have so much that I want to do in life but just because I can’t do it now doesn’t mean it won’t get done.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that things I thought I wanted, I don’t. Not even a little bit. For an example (I’m going to be very open with you), I use to want a relationship. I used to want someone. I used to want to experience a lot of things in life with the one I love the most. And don’t get me wrong, all of that sounds great and I’m not knocking anyone who wants that (because maybe you’re at that point in your life where that’s fine for you), but for me? Nope. I personally have some serious work to do within myself before I could ever think about getting into an actual relationship.

I’m just in this space now where I’m just trying to focus on getting into graduate school, continue with my spiritual journey, and prosper in my writing. Now, of course, I would be lying if I said there wasn’t someone but I’m taking my time and learning more about myself and if God wants him to be the one, then so be it. But until then….IMG_9926

I’ve also learned is that social media is my biggest distraction. Listen, just like the next person, I LOVE social media. Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, shoot even Facebook BUT social media is also a distraction and gives off negative vibes sometimes. I took a real slight social media cleanse before my birthday and it was actually very eye-opening. It’s amazing what can be done when you’re not giving your attention to the wrong things. And when I tell you I got SO MUCH done.

I’m not knocking anyone who gets on social media faithfully, I just know for me personally I’m better when I’m logged off (well, when the app is closed because who really logs off). I found myself comparing my success to others and wondering how come they are doing so well and I’m not. Which caused me to be hard on myself, but, in reality, I’m doing the best I know how to do at this very moment and my time to shine is coming very soon.

In the end, every day is a challenge for me. I have days where I’m so down that I don’t want to do anything then days where I’m the happiest person ever. Shoot, even on my best days, I’m challenged but talking to God and looking on the bright side of situations and thinking “is this really the worse of things?” helps a lot.

Being that I’m still in this weird stage in my life (with trying to discover things about myself and where I want to be in life) I found myself leaning on Him more than ever. Sometimes I do feel a little detached, but I’ve taken steps to reassure myself and just give into the marvelous blessings He’s about to bring in my life

I’m learning to put my self-doubts aside to become the person I want to be, even though there are things I have to handle first, and that my current state isn’t my permanent state. I’m not saying I’m 100% better than I was from “A Little Insight”. But what I am saying is that I’m working on becoming a better me and that alone is enough to keep me pushing.

Question for my readers: Have you taken any steps to become a better you? If yes, then elaborate on the steps, please. If no, then explain what’s getting in the way. 

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