I know I’ve been gone for a month without posting,
but I have great reasoning…
I did a 40 day fasting off social media to focus on my passion (writing) and my good Lord. I hopped off Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat (my favorite might I add) to see if it was the distraction I’ve claimed it was. Between me and you though, truthfully, it wasn’t that big of a distraction as I thought, the real distraction was me (if I had to put it in percentage I would say 70% me and 30% social media). I found that I use social media as an excuse for why I don’t get anything done when in reality it’s just me being lazy.
So, during these 40 days of fasting, praying, reading (I read “Draw Your Circle: 40 Day Prayer Challenge“) and writing I learned a lot about myself. But let me rewind a little bit….
Before the new year, a friend of mine posted about “Draw Your Circle: 40 Day Prayer Challenge“, and I was intrigued so I decided to look into it. After I looked into it apart of me wanted to read it but the other part said “whatever, I don’t have the time” and kept it moving. Well, obviously, God had other plans for me, maybe not at that very moment but He knew eventually I would buy that book. In early February while working at a job I can’t stand, feeling alone, at an all-time low for multiple reasons, I came across the book again but instead of ignoring the message God was trying to instill in me, I purchased the book from Barnes & Noble. February 20, 2019, was day one for me.
Fast-forward to today. A lot has happened during these 40 days, I went through so many emotions that I was forced to face instead of running away from them. I saw me for who I am really am (the good, the bad, and the ugly), parts of me I’ve never seen before honestly. When you’re giving your entire attention to yourself you notice things you aren’t particularly proud of. That happened to me and caused me to view myself differently. I broke myself down a couple of times then picked myself up later, because of that I know myself more than I did before.
I prayed every day within these 40 days (okay a couple of times I didn’t and those times my days were terrible). And towards the end, I started to see the path God wanted me to take in life and I also learned a lot. I’ve learned…
That sometimes, God says no,
To not stress about what I cannot control,
I’ve learned just because you want something doesn’t mean you necessarily need it,
that mistakes don’t define who you are,
the art of admitting when I’m wrong,
that love is beautiful when done the right way,
I’ve learned that seeking professional help doesn’t make someone weak.
I’ve learned that, even when thinking otherwise, God is with me every step of the way.
I’ve learned self-love
I’ve learned the sky is the limit.
I’ve learned to pour into my passion.
I’ve learned that I’m not identified by my past.
I’ve learned that social media doesn’t determine my growth process.
that there aren’t any answers in the darkness only more problems.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to not know everything that I want as long as I know something.
I’ve learned that skipping a day of prayer altered my mood.
Still working on patience but I’ve learned that it goes a long way.
that happiness is not a person.
that letting someone go is an act of love.
That holding on to secrets can slowly destroy you internally.
That being vulnerable isn’t weak.
That letting someone completely in is absolutely scary but very well worth it.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to cry.
I’ve learned to stop doing for others what they won’t do for me.
To put my fears aside.
To believe in me.
And after all of these lessons, I’m still learning who I am and what exactly I want. These 40 days were the most eye-opening 40 days of my life and I’m thankful for it.
(Special shoutout to Erika Norrell)
**I encourage anyone who is spiritual to check out the book “Draw the Circle: 40 Day Prayer Challenge” by Mark Batterson. Such a great book!!
OH, before I forget… Ya girl got into graduate school. I will be attending Old Dominion University in the Fall getting my Master’s in Creative Writing. So I guess I really did pour into my passion these 40 day’s huh? — side note: I submitted all of my blog posts as my writing sample. Literally started this blog as a college assignment and turned it into something I enjoyed doing. Thank you to everyone who supports me because, without you, I’m not sure I would have continued.