Is it just me or has the month of May felt like last year’s January? …long. as. hell. Which I’m not trying to rush the year away but listen, this month was supposed to be over a long time ago.
However, with it being Mental Health Awareness Month I guess it just gave us all enough time to actually work on our mental health. After my blog on Mental Health, I fell into a really bad writer’s block (technically before that blog but who’s really keeping time?).
So, for me, I decided to take this long month and utilize it. And it wasn’t until this past weekend that things started to come together, mentally (and somewhat emotionally) that is. It’s like I finally put pieces to the puzzle God was giving me.
As you all know, over these last couple of months I’ve been struggling with things spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally.
- Spiritually, I’ve grown so much about giving my problems to God, the effectiveness of speaking things into existence, understanding my passion & how it can help others, and building that relationship with Him. Currently learning how to be on God’s timing and not my own because I have the tendency of wanting to go at my own pace and cut corners.
- Physically, I’m not where I want to be with my body goals but that one is on me and my not so great eating habits. I’m still an active gym goer but I’m not eating the right foods, which is causing everything to slim down (or buildup) except my stomach lol. (Hi my name is Briana and I’m addicted to bread). But with the help of my trainer, I stay on top of things, somewhat aha.
- Mentally & emotionally, I was struggling in that department. (which caused my writers block). Still some days I struggle with who I am and what I want but I’m not as clueless as I once was. I’ve learned to love myself. I’ve learned that no man, friend, or family member is worth losing yourself over. I’ve learned that all of my mistakes we’re supposed to happen for this moment right here. So mentally & emotionally, I’m wonderful.
Like I said I had a really bad writer’s block since before my mental health blog. And Memorial Day I was inspired to write.
You ever have an idea that you KNOW isn’t a good idea but go with it anyway? I did that. And it wasn’t a good idea however, it gave me clarity and the inspiration I needed to write again.
It made me realize how happy I’ve been during the month of May (yeah, I have down moments but who doesn’t?). It was a conversation I had with an old friend; they didn’t say anything important that gave me this clarity… it was just being in their presence and having that casual conversation that did it. It made me realize that I was never actually happy and that I allowed other people to take that genuine happiness from me in a sense. The happiness I have fought so hard to get back and now that I have it back, there is no one that can take it away from me.
At this very moment in my life, I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been. And that my emotional and mental state had to be put to the test for me to be this happy. Yeah, I’m an emotional mess sometimes but that’s because I watch waaaaay too many romance movies & thoroughly enjoy classic r&b music.
Ideally, happiness was the goal for me, it’s still the goal even though I’ve found that happiness. and I found it within myself. A true blessing. A love that no one can break. I’ve found myself. And for the first time in a very long time, I can truly say “I’m happy” without a doubt in my mind.
And with this newfound (well, not really new) happiness, I’ve decided to start from scratch. I’ve decided to start my life over, with God’s help of course. I’m giving myself a clean slate. A slate I should’ve given myself a long time ago… It’s never too late to get control over your life and it’s never too late to start over.
And as we transition into the new month, let us leave all of the hurt, anger, and negativity in May. Let June be filled with amazing new opportunities, networking, community service work, new music, new friends, traveling, love… or whatever you want it to be! Let June be the start of new beginnings.
SN: Letting go of what needed to let go was the best decision ever. Moving on is never a bad thing, but a blessing. Thank you.