Okay so listen, I wrote a WHOLE different blog about two weeks ago and never posted it because I didn’t think it was real enough (or good enough to post but that’s the self-doubt in me). So shoutout to my very good friend Kiara, because our conversation today made me want to dig deeper.
The blog was about happiness and how can I write about something I’ve never truly, genuinely felt? Don’t get me wrong, I am not an unhappy person, I have happy moments and I’m happy with certain things in my life. But I’m not at a point in my life where I can sit down and just say “wow, I’m genuinely happy with every aspect of my life”. I do have these moments where I’m down because I’m not where I want to be or because I’m extremely stressed out.
And some of that stress involves having to pretend like I have it all together when in actuality I do not. Another part of it may be that I’m so busy trying to make others happy and tiptoeing around their feelings that I can’t focus on myself. Then I’m always making sure everyone is fine or making sure everyone is getting the help they need but I struggle to help myself.
Also, outside of other people, I’m the type of person who waits for the bad things to happen when everything is going extremely well in my life (“the boom” is what I like to call it). And I need to stop that as well because that’s getting in the way of me being truly happy.
So I’ve decided that I need to take some time to myself. And it wasn’t until my friend Geryn posted on her Instagram story that I realized I’m more focused on everyone else than myself. She said “I haven’t felt productive in my personal goals in a long time because I’ve been focused on everybody else and their goals and helping everyone with stuff, that I haven’t been able to help myself and my goals. And I just need to kind of take some time and do for myself for a second and what makes me happy.”
And that’s me because I haven’t been giving my all to my personal goals or to my personal happiness because I’m so busy doing that for others. So from today until the rest of my time on this lovely earth, I’m doing things for me and what makes me happy. I’m also going to try and not expect bad things to step in a ruin the bit of happiness I do have. I’m going to try my hardest to be genuinely happy. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
To all of my readers, are you truly happy? if not are you going to do something about it? and if you are…when was the moment you realized you were?? (comment below)
The goal is happiness. I want everyone to feel it.