Blog

A Little Insight.

Okay so listen, I wrote a WHOLE different blog about two weeks ago and never posted it because I didn’t think it was real enough (or good enough to post but that’s the self-doubt in me). So shoutout to my very good friend Kiara, because our conversation today made me want to dig deeper.

The blog was about happiness and how can I write about something I’ve never truly, genuinely felt? Don’t get me wrong, I am not an unhappy person, I have happy moments and I’m happy with certain things in my life. But I’m not at a point in my life where I can sit down and just say “wow, I’m genuinely happy with every aspect of my life”. I do have these moments where I’m down because I’m not where I want to be or because I’m extremely stressed out.

And some of that stress involves having to pretend like I have it all together when in actuality I do not. Another part of it may be that I’m so busy trying to make others happy and tiptoeing around their feelings that I can’t focus on myself. Then I’m always making sure everyone is fine or making sure everyone is getting the help they need but I struggle to help myself.

Also, outside of other people, I’m the type of person who waits for the bad things to happen when everything is going extremely well in my life (“the boom” is what I like to call it). And I need to stop that as well because that’s getting in the way of me being truly happy.

So I’ve decided that I need to take some time to myself. And it wasn’t until my friend Geryn posted on her Instagram story that I realized I’m more focused on everyone else than myself. She said “I haven’t felt productive in my personal goals in a long time because I’ve been focused on everybody else and their goals and helping everyone with stuff, that I haven’t been able to help myself and my goals. And I just need to kind of take some time and do for myself for a second and what makes me happy.”

And that’s me because I haven’t been giving my all to my personal goals or to my personal happiness because I’m so busy doing that for others. So from today until the rest of my time on this lovely earth, I’m doing things for me and what makes me happy. I’m also going to try and not expect bad things to step in a ruin the bit of happiness I do have. I’m going to try my hardest to be genuinely happy. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

To all of my readers, are you truly happy? if not are you going to do something about it? and if you are…when was the moment you realized you were?? (comment below)

The goal is happiness. I want everyone to feel it.

 

Advertisements

Starting the Year Off Right

Well for starters, Happy New Year everyone! image1

I hope everyone bought in 2019 with nothing but great vibes and positivity! A new year represents new beginnings and more blessings. But you can’t properly move on into the new year without a little reflection!

So here’s mine…

2018 has been one of the most challenging years for me emotionally. Y’all, I literally went through every emotion you could possibly go through, from very happy to depression (and that’s alright because I bounced back you guys). I had plenty of ups, downs, and challenges.

The Ups:

  1. Well, to start, I turned 23 years old in January, SHOUT OUT TO MY GOD, forever grateful.
  2. I went to California for my birthday and literally had a blast. I almost cried that I had to leave. Side note: that time difference on your body is NO joke, and California drivers are extremely reckless for no reason lol.
  3. I saw dvsn, H.E.R., and Miguel twice.  I saw them all once in Washington, D.C. then again in different cities (minus Miguel, I saw him in D.C. both times).
  4. Built a better relationship with God & I started going to church, taking notes and listening to sermons in my free time (special shout out to Kiara, we go to church together every Sunday, when I’m not working). God and I are like best friends now. We don’t see eye to eye sometimes but I learned to never question Him, so there’s that.
  5. Became serious about my fitness in May.  Memorial day weekend my family and I went to Corolla, N.C…y’all I put on a bathing suit and felt so fat, it was ridiculous. Literally been in the gym four days a week since. (special shout out to my trainer Samaiyah Williams)
  6. Let go of some VERY toxic people.
  7. Grew closer to some people.
  8. Graduated from Radford University with a Bachelors of Business Administration in Marketing

The Downs:

  1. Struggled with depression. Well, sometime around February up until the beginning of April I fell slowly, but surely, fell into depression and I never told anyone this (I just assumed I was in an ongoing funk). Also, I’m not going to go into details. Just know if it wasn’t for my family and friends (honorable mention: Darryn, Jerrontay, and Briana) I wouldn’t have gotten out of it.
  2. Not feeling good enough. Again, not going to go into details but April was a rough month for me. When I started feeling like myself again in August, shit (sorry mom) hit the fan. However, after reflection, forgiveness, space, and a LONG talk with God. I overcame that negative spirit….in October. (better late than never right?).

The Challenges:

  1. I spoke on this in a previous blog but, this adult life = sucks. Finding a job after college was very stressful, then going on a million and one interviews and not getting the jobs draining.
  2. Adjusting to life after college and living in Richmond for the first time since 2014. This was a challenge because I’m so used to being on my own that living back home started a little rough lol.
  3. Building a relationship with God. Listen, this was one of the hardest things I did during 2018. For one, I had to do this in order to get out of my depression and two the world wanted to pull me one way when God wanted to pull me another, in the end, I chose my God. I am not saying this was easy because it definitely wasn’t, but with patience, love and willing to learn…it became easier.

2018 ended up being a very hard year for me, but, as crazy as it sounds, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. I’m stronger because of it. Now could I have done without a couple of things, DEFINITELY but hey, that’s okay. I learned a lot, laughed a lot, loved a lot, also cried waaaaay more than I should’ve and that’s okay too.

In the end, I had way more highs than lows. The lows happen to be VERY heavy but the ultimate high was making through another year (so shout out to MY GOD).

IMG_4622 (1)


What’s in store for 2019

If I had one word to describe what 2018 has been for me…I would choose the word “humbling”. I honestly felt I was humbled A LOT with every experience from the year. I had to learn the hard way that everything you want isn’t in God’s plan for you, which was a really hard pill to swallow.

A couple of days ago I asked Twitter this questionIMG_9028

It was just a random question because I wanted to share mine, but I actually received a couple of responses

 

I actually asked one person would she mind elaborating on her reasoning and her response was

IMG_9024

Which prompted me to ask friends and family and here are some of their responses

 

IMG_9037IMG_9039

I recognized I wasn’t the only one who had a challenging year, everyone had to get through something this year whether it was good or bad. So in my eyes, this means 2019 will be the year of blessings. Let’s embrace 2019 in with open arms and thank God that we got through another year! Let’s get ready for these blessings that are about to be showered on us. Let us grow.

So what’s in store for the new year? GROWTH: spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

ms-g7zHup

(I would love everyone who reads this to comment one word that describes their 2018 in a nutshell and explain why)

Finding My Way

One thing I hate about growing up is the decisions you have to make become harder. As a child, the hardest the decision I had to make was if I wanted to stay outside or inside because my mom hated when I kept running in and out of the house. Nowadays I have to make decisions about what I want to do for a living, if I want to go back to school or not, if I want to stay in Richmond or move away, or a decision regarding my personal life. It’s quite exhausting.

Sometimes I get so frustrated about life that I just sit in the dark and listen to music because it always makes me feel better. (A little like this)

And then last week I came to the conclusion that I lost control of my life because of the decisions I’ve been making (past and present) and decided I need to get it together.

I’m at this weird space in my life where I know where I want to be but I just don’t know how to get there.

I took a leap and decided to do some self-reflection and I found out that I’m the problem. Which was a hard pill to swallow because how could I be the problem in my own life? It has to be someone else, right? Nope, it was me lol.

I found out that I’m standing in the way of all my potential success because I’m terrified of actually being successful. I’ve been limiting myself and haven’t been applying myself properly. How could I want to do so much in life but not take any steps to get there?

I’m scared to pick a career because what if I end up hating it.

I’m scared to go back to school because what if I fail.

I’m terrified to actually leave Richmond because what if I fail and end up back where I started?

I’m scared to make a decision regarding my personal life because what if I lose that person for good this time…

I’m just scared. Which is thetough decision I have to make… I have to decide if I’m going to continue to be scared or act on what I want because right now I’m robbing myself of blessings.

Now, I’m learning to not be scared and to just take those chances, it’s not going to be easy but it’s definitely a work in progress. I have to stop allowing my fears to hinder me from anything I want to do in life or anything I’m passionate about. The only way for me to grow into the person I want to be is to stop being… scared.

So keep me in your prayers.

Maaaan Listen,

First and foremost, I would love to thank everyone who was consistent readers in my Personal Growth journey. Because of you, I made it my mission to continue with my blog, just a different theme!

“Post-Grad Life” is the new theme of my blogs!


Okay, so I graduated college….about a month and three weeks ago, right? Let me update you guys on this so-called “adult life”

…it sucks lol.

IMG_2792

It only sucks because you’re not in school anymore so now you have to make smarter choices for your mental, physical, emotional, and most importantly…financial life.

During the first month of graduating these were my thoughts: 

It’s nothing like the movies where you graduate, get that job, move into your own apartment and live happily ever after while living your best life (well for some people).

I was told that once I have a degree a full-time job would come with ease, well that person lied…(I reallywish I could remember who told me that because we need to have a little chat).

IMG_1685

Adult life for me has been applying for jobs after jobs after jobs (very draining by the way). Then, there were jobs that called me in for an interview but I didn’t get the job..their loss right? right.

Literally, the only perk of being a college graduate (with no intentions of Graduate school) is that I no longer have to sit in a classroom and not paying any major bills since I live at home now. So it’s easier to save.

After that first month of pitying myself, this is what I decided to do:

I decided to pray.

IMG_1499

I literally gave all of my issues with being unemployed to God and doors magically opened. I had to put my pride aside and be willing to work outside of the marketing field. Once that happened, opportunities opened up! I went on an interview for a full-time job (still in the interview process which is good) and I’m picking up a part-time job. Things are looking up.

The thing is with God, He knows what is in store for you, he listens to your prayers and He’s always preparing you for the next step. It’s up to you to keep your faith. Stop doubting him! Once you put your total faith in Him things will look up! They looked up for me.

Once you have that little bit of doubt in your mind, you have already diminished the work He’s doing. Keep that faith!

Just because something isn’t in my particular field, doesn’t mean it’s not meant for me to do…this is only the beginning. Not the end.

So, a lesson I’ve learned during this whole job search process is: Trust in God. 

I had to learn how to stop complaining about everything that has been going wrong in my life and look at it as an opportunity. Did I give up? Yes, I sure did, but I bounced back!

And plus, my mother didn’t raise a quitter, okaaaaaayy

IMG_4925

Happiness

First, I just want to thank everyone who has been keeping up with my blog on this “Personal Growth” journey and I hope that somewhere, somehow it has helped you.

This will be my last blog post on Personal Growth.


 

To sum up Personal Growth, I would like to think that all of my previous blog posts can lead you to one thing… happiness.

And to be completely honest, that is all I wanted my blogs to lead to you. I think pure happiness is the ultimate goal in personal growth.

And I believe that all of my previous blog posts in this “series” of growth can lead you to the happiness you deserve as a person.

 

I want all of my readers to work on being happy with themselves and use my blog as a guide if you want. Every topic I touched based on can definitely get you there.

I think happiness is the most important goal of growing personally because isn’t that point of growing? To be happy?

And I think if people look at happiness as a state of mind, and not a destination, it would be easier to do so!

Do some self-reflection, love yourself more, overcome those obstacles, forgive others and yourself, look and see if those relationships you have are helping you or destroying you, set those goals, make time for yourself, step out of your comfort zone, read a book, take a walk or run sometimes, and never lose faith… do all of these things and the road to happiness will not be far behind.

Believe in yourself and your growth, and make sure you don’t let anyone tear you down! You are a magnificent person who deserves all of the happiness in the world, just believe it and it shall come!

 

Work It Out

Come on let’s work it out…

by that, I mean working out your fitness.

Okay, so I am not a fitness junky or anything but I do believe that getting some type of workout can help you grow. It doesn’t have to be anything intense like running on the treadmill for 10 minutes, it can honestly be something simple as taking the stairs rather than the elevator when you’re at work.

Fitness is another form of discipline. It trains your mind, in a way, to form habits more easily. Once you make your fitness schedule (and you stick with it), you’ve already mastered the art of being consistent and boom…you’ve already grown a little bit personally.

Fitness is also a form of pushing your limits. When working out there is always that day where you either go up a weight or maybe instead of walking that trail, you run it, you end up pushing a limit you didn’t think you would push… and guess what?

growth.gif

Pushing your limits in your fitness also plays into my previous blogs “Overcoming Obstacles” and “Goal Setting”. Some may look at working out as an obstacle for them, my advice is to do whatever it takes to overcome that obstacle AND set goals each week, (or each day), that way you can check off those goals every time they’re accomplished.

Look at bettering your fitness as taking control over your life. Once you take better care yourself physically you’ll feel like you can do anything. Because I swear I’m more motivated after I workout!

OR You can look at working out as a way to clear your mind. I have a friend who goes to the gym when he’s stressed or needs to clear his head, kind of like an escape of some sort.

You can also use it as a way to learn more about yourself. Most people end up learning more about themselves while in the process of getting fit. And learning more about yourself is a form of personal growth, I know for myself, I learned that I enjoy running and that I’m stronger than I thought.

Remember, you don’t have to go full force and use the gym if that’s not something you’re interested in. Like I said above you can start with something as simple as taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work, or walk around your neighborhood! You can make a plan to do that at least 3 days a week and next thing you know you’ve accomplished something, you might even feel better afterward!

fitness

 

Having Faith

If you’re not a religious, spiritual, or a believer in God, just a warning, then this blog isn’t going to be as relatable as my other ones. However, this blog is very personal.


This is a “story” of how I thought I lost my faith and how it interfered with my personal growth.

God played a huge role in my personal growth, from me praying every day to just reading scriptures every day. He guided me to become the person I am today and of course, like everyone else, I’m forever grateful for it.

So the title of this blog is “Having Faith”. For me personally, the closer I get to God the more levelheaded I am. I feel like I’m growing as an individual and making progress within myself, which is what personal growth is about. However, the last couple of months have been challenging for me.

People always tell you to pray for what you want and you shall receive but no one ever speaks on what happens if you don’t receive. That happened to me and I began to question everything in my life, including my faith.

I stopped praying to Him every day and I started to see a shift in my attitude and how my days were going. I became more stressed out and started to lash out at people. I began to become angry, angry with myself and I felt like a failure which made me question my faith even more. I was in, what I like to call it, a “funk”.

After being in that “funk” for about two weeks I decided to reach out to a friend of mine who I knew I could talk to about what’s been going on. I asked him to pray for me because if I won’t pray for myself I thought him praying for me would help my current circumstance. He made a comment about how I’m not losing faith, I’m just angry with God.

Then, recently, I found out some news that I wasn’t too happy with and it drove me to vent to that same friend. He told me that I should look at it as a sign from God and that I should take as much time I need to heal. I’m not sure why, but when he said that something clicked to me…

It clicked that I’ve been doing everything all wrong this past couple of months. I’ve been angry with God but I didn’t look at the blessing that came from that disappointment. Instead of looking thinking of it as a sign I looked at it as punishment. Since then, I’ve been working hard to get back right with God, I’ve asked for forgiveness for straying away and being so angry.

As you read, my personal growth started to decrease during my “funk”, I was basically deteriorating all of the hard work I’ve done to better myself. But it’s okay because I’m going to get back to where I was, if not better!

It’s never too late get right with God is the point of this story and it’s okay that sometimes you become angry with God. Just continue to have faith that what he’s doing will always be a win for you. He is not against us, He is for us. He is the best person to have in your corner. Even when things are looking down and putting you in a “personal funk”, just always think about that blessing that is about to come.

Continue to have faith.

faith