One thing I hate about growing up is the decisions you have to make become harder. As a child, the hardest the decision I had to make was if I wanted to stay outside or inside because my mom hated when I kept running in and out of the house. Nowadays I have to make decisions about what I want to do for a living, if I want to go back to school or not, if I want to stay in Richmond or move away, or a decision regarding my personal life. It’s quite exhausting.
Sometimes I get so frustrated about life that I just sit in the dark and listen to music because it always makes me feel better. (A little like this)
And then last week I came to the conclusion that I lost control of my life because of the decisions I’ve been making (past and present) and decided I need to get it together.
I’m at this weird space in my life where I know where I want to be but I just don’t know how to get there.
I took a leap and decided to do some self-reflection and I found out that I’m the problem. Which was a hard pill to swallow because how could I be the problem in my own life? It has to be someone else, right? Nope, it was me lol.
I found out that I’m standing in the way of all my potential success because I’m terrified of actually being successful. I’ve been limiting myself and haven’t been applying myself properly. How could I want to do so much in life but not take any steps to get there?
I’m scared to pick a career because what if I end up hating it.
I’m scared to go back to school because what if I fail.
I’m terrified to actually leave Richmond because what if I fail and end up back where I started?
I’m scared to make a decision regarding my personal life because what if I lose that person for good this time…
I’m just scared. Which is thetough decision I have to make… I have to decide if I’m going to continue to be scared or act on what I want because right now I’m robbing myself of blessings.
Now, I’m learning to not be scared and to just take those chances, it’s not going to be easy but it’s definitely a work in progress. I have to stop allowing my fears to hinder me from anything I want to do in life or anything I’m passionate about. The only way for me to grow into the person I want to be is to stop being… scared.
So keep me in your prayers.